Out of ideas for zany pranks?

You need Thermite!

By IAmAMeatPopsicle

"My God, he's right..."

Now, I am not going to tell you guys what thermite is (it burns stuff), or what you can do with it (burn stuff). Just do a Google search and you'll find tons of sites telling you a bunch of uses for it. I will however, tell you how to make the stuff (to burn stuff). Below is a recipe that could quite possibly be even better than the peanut butter fudge recipe I posted earlier (though I strongly doubt it - my peanut butter fudge has been described as "orgasmic").

1. Get some Aluminum

A) Go to a machine shop. They will usually give you aluminum powder for sweeping the floor or something.

B) Break open an Etch-A-Sketch, the stuff inside is pure aluminum powder.

Pictured: 1/2 of the recipe for "wacky"

C) Go to a paint store, they usually have powdered aluminum that people use to mix into paints to give it pigment.

D) Get a grinder, and something made of aluminum (soda cans, bike frames, lacrosse sticks). Start grinding the aluminum and collect the sparks in a container.

E) Search eBay, they sell it for pretty cheap.

2. Get some Iron Oxide (Rust)

A) Take some steel wool, put it in a jar, then cover it with water. Use a magnet to make sure the steel wool doesn't float during the reaction process. Next, put 5 (five) tablespoons of regular bleach into the water, and 5 tablespoons of regular vinegar. Wait a day or so, then filter the brown paste with a coffee filter. Leave it out to dry overnight.

B) Go to a paint store, they usually have powdered iron oxide that people use to mix into paints to give it pigment.

C) Connect wires to a direct current (9-volt battery), strip both ends, and put them into a saltwater solution. Let them sit for five minutes. One of them will start bubbling more than the other. This is the POSITIVE(+) wire. Put a nail - tied to the positive wire - into the jar. Now put the negative wire in the other end. Now let it sit overnight, in the morning scrape the rust off of the nail & repeat until you have a bunch of rust on the bottom of the glass. Let it dry out, and crush it into a powder.

D) Search eBay, they sell it for pretty cheap.

"Which program do I use to download rust?"

 

3. Putting it all together

Thermite is 8 grams of iron oxide to 3 grams of aluminum. The formula is by weight, but because aluminum is very light, it will appear to be approximately a 50-50 mix. Put them together in a container and mix them until it is an even mixture. If you want, mix four parts thermite with one part clay or Play-Doh and knead thoroughly for moldable thermite.

More fun than you remember!

 

4. Now the fun begins!

Thermite needs a lot of heat to light - that means magnesium. Find some magnesium ribbon, or a sparkler that contains magnesium, and put it into a pile of thermite. Light it with a torch, and haul ass!

Just use a fucking sparkler, ok? It's reliable, and it's essentially a fuse. Are your cheeky shenanigans really worth losing a finger for?

Pictured: Shenanigans!

 

In case you lack imagination, here's a suggestion or two for how you could use it!

Personally, I recommend using it to spell out the word "asshole" on a friend, neighbor, or family member's drive-way some drunken night. Thermite will burn a four-inch-deep scar in their asphalt, giving them a chuckle (or a coronary) the following morning.

They'll fuckin' LOVE it!

That's not the only option...even though it IS the best one. It can also be used to get rid of pesky stains in your clothes or furniture...or for getting rid of your clothes and furniture in general.

Some less practical applications:

1. Annoying facial hair.

2. Unsightly acne.

3. Disposing of bills.

4. Disposing of bill collectors.

5. Lighting cigarettes in the most bad-assed way possible.

6. Decorating your christmas tree.

7. Making novelty sex toys!

8. Scaring your grand-mother.

9. Truly spectacular effigies.

10. Illustrating "your side of an issue" with an ex.

I hope this article was helpful in at least some ways, although I can't imagine how it couldn't be.

Disclaimer:

The above is for satirical purposes only. This site, nor the author of this article, reccomend that you actually do this. In fact, do NOT do this. It's seriously fucking dangerous. If you insist on being that bone-headed, neither this site, or the author of this article, will be liable in any way.

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