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Betrayal: A Story About My Best Friend
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Betrayal: A Story About My Best Friend |
| By IAmAMeatPopsicle |
| The following is a retelling of an experience I recently went through -aka "The best week of my life". |
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| I awoke early one morning with the desperate need to take a leak. Everything was going as planned at first, until I didn't hear the stream hitting the water in the bowl - even though I could feel myself pissing. I just figured I missed the bowl and was pissing of the rug, even though my aim is usually pretty good.
Nervously, I looked down to see a clear bubble ballooning from my crank. |
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"Now there's an odd thing." |
| You can imagine my confusion... could my cock have learned to chew gum while I was sleeping? I discarded that idea after a couple of minutes of consideration, as the searing pain hit.
You know when you put a hot dog in a microwave a little too long, and it starts to split open? Well, I thought my time had come to see it from the hot dog's perspective post haste..."I knew then I had to act fast".
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I did, however, have the presence of mind to take a picture with my phone. No need to thank me. |
| Since I didn't have access to a urologist - or any time to waste - I had to take matters into my own hands (so to speak). Meanwhile, the bubble is continuing to grow bigger and time is running out! Enter nail clippers, stage right. |
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| Yes, nail clippers. |
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*You must be this manly to ride this ride, kids* |
| A quick snip, and the deluge springs forth - I'm talking "people taking refuge on roof-tops" here. All I can think is that this looks like a high-pressure watering can. Believe me, the humor is not lost on this guy. I've got a sore and busted cock, and now I have to clean up a half gallon of piss - good one, God. |
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| Since I'm a man of at least average intelligence, I figure the next step would be to maybe see a doctor about this. I manage to get in to see a urologist right away - which is a good thing, because it's now a day later, and my junk has sealed up tighter than a gnat's asshole.
So, here I am at the urologist and we've been talking for about 5 minutes, and he immediately starts using words I don't want to hear: "dilation"..."surgery"..."bleeding"..."open you up real good". Keep in mind, this is even before he takes a look. When I do finally drop trou, he says, "Wow". I'm feeling pretty good at first, until I realized this was a bad "wow", and he wasn't really impressed with my junk - at least not in the good way. Then he tells me I can't wait for surgery, and that he has to "open me up a little" first.
I won't give all the details of the "opening up" process, only that there was ripping, bleeding, and sobbing. |
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Yes, just like your prom night.
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Oh yeah! |
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| He only had a numbing gel - keep in mind that's just a topical numbing agent. All the tearing and ripping is going on a a couple of inches inside my wang. So, after about 20 minutes of feeling like my piss-hole was freshly-raped by a nail file (which it basically was), I walk out of the room where I'll be returning for surgery in two days (so he can "put me to sleep, really get in there and open things up"). Thankfully, he gives me a 'script for 10 milligram percocets, so I'm happy for the time being.
The actual surgery was uneventful, and I was asleep for it anyway, so there's not much to tell. |
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| However, the self-removal of my catheter was fun - the balloon that holds the catheter in place didn't deflate properly. When I pulled it out, it looked like...well, you remember those cartoons of a full-blast firehose, where this bulge of water runs up the length of the hose, all the way to the end? |
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Like this, only with my schlong. |
| Fast-forward to today: I'm peeing like a champ, and my womb-broom is a thing of beauty! Before, I couldn't force a straight pin up there with a ball-peen hammer if I had to. Now, I can slide the equivalent of the thick end of a steel chopstick up there...which I have to once a week to keep the fucker from growing shut again! |
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| The moral of the story? |
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| Don't teach your dong how to chew bubble gum, I guess. |
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