Can Politicians Live Outside of Pockets?

18. December 2009 by Tea in the Harbor.

The left is in the pockets of Unions and environmentalists, the right is in the pockets of big business and Wall Street. One claims to look out for the people, the other for capitalist fundamentalism. But our Constitution allows for neither, it grants political power solely to the people, you and me. I know they say campaign finance reform isn?t a sexy enough issue, that the people just don?t care about it, but I think they?re a bunch of goddamned liars. I think the American People understand fully that the way we finance campaigns is nothing more than legalized bribery, and that both political parties are nothing but whores.

There are good girls in our national whorehouse, they make it look so much nicer but they are never given chairmanships or actual power, they?re just window dressing no more honest than the ?For use with tobacco only? sign in your local head shop. If we wanted to be honest we would, beginning the day after each election, hold an auction on the steps of the capital. It would make a fascinating reality show.

?The next item up for bid is republican John Boehner, who has shown his devotion to politics from birth by even miss-pronouncing his own name to gain favor among his peers, the bidding will start at $100,000 to be divided among at least twenty bidders to skirt campaign laws. John has sold out nearly every constituent he has ever had and has shown a revulsion to ethics that has become a standard in the industry. He has coddled the Christians, spoke out vociferously in defense of greed and is willing to kiss any Shiek?s Cheek you would like to offer. Who will make the first bid??

Perhaps the second episode could feature Harry Reid. ?The bidding for Harry will start at $80,000, Harry has shown himself to be a reliable purchase. He has a special ability to seem sincere while sliding the knife in the people?s backs. Despite his creative rhetoric Harry managed to permit the murder of thousands for the profit of the health care industry and proudly proclaimed a win for the people while mandating that each of them put 17% of their income into corporate coffers or pay the same amount in extra taxes. He publicly ended the ?pre-existing condition? rouse while inserting enough loopholes in the law to march an army through in the back rooms of the Senate. Harry has convinced millions of Americans that he is simply incompetent and has thereby gained their trust and affection.

You have to admit it would be great fun! We the People would actually be able to see the way business is done in Washington. I could go on, ?Here we have Congressman Franks, who has used the shame of political correctness to get away clean from having a gay prostitution ring run right out of his home!? or from the other side ?The bidding on Senator Ensign will start at $150,000 because he has shown his skill by conducting a public affair with a staffer and having her husband get him coffee as he was banging the wife! Skills like that have a value that can not be underestimated.?

Who says campaign finance can?t be sexy?

We could call the program ?Whores of the People,? I bet it would get the highest ratings Neilson has ever seen! It could even top the Super Bowl when the certifiably insane like that lady from Minnesota or a yet unconvicted miscreant from Louisiana were featured! They could do spin offs for pundits and newsmen, it could be another franchise empire like CSI. They might even get their own network, call it CSPAN Reality!

I suppose many of you aren?t as fond of the idea as I am, although I doubt many would argue that the premise for the show doesn?t already exist in the ?other? party. So for you I have come up with an exceedingly boring alternative. What if we used the Constitution and, just for grins, passed a campaign finance law with only 73 words, something like;

?It shall be a felony crime punishable by permanent ineligibility from any elected office for any candidate to accept contributions from any entity other than the private citizens of the United States of America. It shall further be a felony crime to commingle these contributions with the assets or holdings of any political party. Said contributions shall have a maximum value of one thousand dollars and may not be duplicated in any campaign cycle.?

No loopholes, no lesser punishment, no bullshit. Just the citizens of the United States having complete control over every elected official in the nation.

Just a thought.